God’s Promise

I said a few months ago, that I was going to become even more vulnerable here. Well, lucky for you, today’s that day, right in time for Valentine’s Day! HA! I hope this post can bring you some inspiration and fill your heart with the biggest love we need: The love of God.

I’ve been through a lot in my “adult” years and didn’t exactly have a “picture perfect” life during that time. With certainty, I believe now, that I brought a lot of the unwanted chaos in myself. Mainly, because I wasn’t fully trusting in Jesus, nor living the life that he expected of me. I was not holding up my end of the bargain, however he never gave up on me. He was constantly pursuing me, and when I finally surrendered my life and looked up to Him, I finally “got it.”During those days, I was living the life I wanted and running the show, thinking I knew what was best for me, and making decisions without Him instead of with him. I learned quite a number of lessons during that time, but most importantly I got to actually feel and see God’s Hands at work. I hope through my mistakes, and writing this, it will offer and lend something beneficial to you.

I saw a therapist shortly before Knox was diagnosed, and I will never forget what she said, because it resonated to my core. She listened through my tears and then spoke these words, “It sounds like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.” She nailed it, because I was. With such paralyzing fear, I was sitting with anticipation for the next bomb to drop, because after the most difficult situation I had been through a few years prior, I knew life was full of uncertainty and pure disappointments. I was letting one bad situation take away my happiness; I was letting Satan frighten, condemn, discourage and worry me into the belief that contentment is an action of guilt.Let’s rewind for a second and give you a quick prelude: a few years prior to seeing her, I was in a devastating car accident and hit by an 18-year-old drunk driver that became paralyzed from his neglect. I spent five years in and out of doctor’s offices with no diagnosis, until one day after begging God for help, an Atlanta Neurologist, Dr. Awad, referred me to a Dr. Kibler in Lexington, Kentucky. It just so happened that the “same” thing had happened to him after a horrific car accident that left him in a coma after residency, and he had just undergone the surgery and had recovered. He was certain I needed to get to KY. I ended up being a candidate for a clinical trial, where my trapezius muscle was reattached to my scapula. A prayer that big and the answer that strong could only be answered through God’s pure grace and His Promise to take care of us, when we depend and trust solely on Him. After the surgery was a new struggle, because I was finally living in a space of contentment and happiness, for one of the first times in my life. Yet, I was scared and confused, because it felt so foreign to not have to be worrying about something. I had seen first had that in this life, bad things are constantly happening and we can’t avoid it and was worried what would happen next. Not that I was negative, just sure that the shoe was about to drop. Call it a premonition or not, the shoe dropped and it fell hard, but I’m so glad it did. Would I take back Knox and our family having to go through the devastation of Pediatric Cancer, ABSOLUTELY. I wouldn’t take back, however, how it led me straight into the arms of Jesus, who has redeemed this girl and is making something good out of the storms that we have weathered.God has a plan for your life and so does the enemy. Be ready for both and be wise enough to know which one to battle and which one to embrace. Bad things do happen and that is NOT because Jesus doesn’t love us, care for us and our loved ones. He only wants the best for us. I don’t have those answers, but I know that it will make perfect sense when I am able to ask Him on my journey to be with Him forever. It will certainly be one of my first questions asked. Until then, I will put one foot in front of the other, trust His purposeful plan and live to glorify His name.In the meantime, in all it’s simplicity, it’s okay to be okay and simply be content. The ability for me to breathe a sigh of relief that I am not at AFLAC Cancer Center at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta with my little boy, overwhelmed and stressed about adverse affects to chemotherapy and the emotional and physical toll it took on his little body and psyche is enough to get me through each day these days. And even though there’s a possibility that cancer could come back, I now give myself permission to be happy in the journey God has chosen for us, instead of waiting for the next shoe to drop. Instead of worrying about what could happen, I am focusing on feeling God’s grace and joy in the process and the NOW.

The reality for us all is that the shoe more than likely will drop again in whatever capacity, because God did not promise there would be days without grief or pain. He did promise us strength to overcome it, comfort to endure and arms to carry us through it. So, next time you find yourself under trial, instead of asking “why me?” let God’s Promise to us shine on your problems and be the light to find your way, so that you can walk out of that trial with purpose and life. And in the meantime, keep looking up to Him, know that you are loved BIG by the creator of the Universe that created the snowflakes, just as unique and individual as He did creating you and I. And in any situation, remember His promise to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life. Romans 8:28.

He is always working on our behalf and only wants the best for us, because He loves you more than you could ever imagine.