Pediatric Cancer: How I Got Through

After Knox being terribly sick this weekend, coupled with getting the devastating news that another blessed child of a friend here in my hometown of Marietta has just been diagnosed with a rare form of Pediatric Cancer, I can’t help but relive the space in time we were in just a short time ago. For a mom and dad with a child who has battled cancer, even a “normal” virus is not so normal to us, and it never will be again. It puts us on edge and brings back terrible vivid memories of a time when things were bleak, uncertain, and only in God’s hands.For the most part, I was strong. Albeit, I definitely had my moments of staying in bed, pulling the covers over my head and retreating, but during those times of pure heartache and grief, I relied solely on HIM and he saved me. Guess what, though? Y’all never saw those days…you just saw the “picture perfect” highlight reel.

A lot of friends constantly said, “I don’t know how you do it…you are so strong” and my answer always was and always will be the same. If  YOU were faced with the same you would be, too. It’s in our DNA as mommas, as wives, and as those strong women (you know the Empresses that carry a crockpot, wear lipstick, heels, and carry babies on those hips?!) Yeah, that’s US. YOU AND ME. We are the same and even though we may be different in how we style that crockpot, that shade of lipstick or those heels, we are still ALL THE SAME. We are momma’s that would do A N Y T H I N G for our babies (even when they do things like sticking crayons up their noses!). You hear me sister?!?! I also had something bigger than life that was my rock, my cornerstone and my breath, when I just couldn’t breathe any longer. Read on…This morning I walked outside to let the dogs out and it was the most beautiful day. It has been cold, dreary and raining for several days and today was a little “love nudge” from Jesus that I want to share with you. You see, He gently whispers through the rain that he is with us, but we have to listen and it takes practice. For me, yesterday morning, it was walking out into the most beautiful sunshine with clear blue skies, where he gently, yet forcefully said, “you are enough.” And then just a few short hours after being reminded of his grace, the rain and gray skies were back again. Just like there is dark to every night there is also a calming to every storm and this afternoon as the sun peaked through the clouds, the most blinding light shone down so brightly that I could barely see the road in front of me. I was literally blinded by the light. It was glistening the most precious beauty and left me yearning for more of his sweet promises.

When it rains, I know with great certainty that it will never rain forever, just like it didn’t rain forever for Noah. It may have felt like forever to him, just like it may feel that way to you and me. I get it sister, I saw no end in sight and for a grieving momma it’s hard. REAL hard. That’s when you pick up His Word, the book He authored and draw comfort from His promise that is right there in black and white. And oh, through the rainbow that He beautifully created as a promise to never flood the earth again. And we all know what happens after storms. The rainbow always appears. It’s the same in our lives; if you trust in his faithfulness you will be blessed abundantly after the storm with rich blessings.There’s no denying that what we went through with Knox, and most importantly, what HE went through was ridiculously tough. There were days I didn’t know how I was going to carry on, because I literally had NO strength. I was emotionally and physically drained, but He heard my cry and raised me up again and again. So, that I could wake up the next day and take care of the child that He made just for me. It was a test. Did you know He tests us sometimes? Yeah, it’s a fact, and we’ll talk about that soon, so please stick around (there’s SO much good stuff coming)!!!! But, really, did you hear that I was a mess all the while being tested, and I am NOT a good test taker (ask my teachers!), but let me tell you my secret…

His name is Jesus. And if you lay your fears, problems, and sins down at His feet and trust that YOU ARE GOOD, LOVED, and PERFECT enough, because of who HE is you will find purpose to this crazy, wild, beautiful life that He actually made just for YOU. It’s hard to find the courage, trust and beauty in the midst of life’s storms and confusion, all the while singing praises to Him for the good things and blessings we do have. It takes wholehearted trust in the one constant there is, but when you do, life changes for the better and fear becomes a thing of the past. The clouds part and sunshine seeps through. Soon, I’ll share with you about the yellow butterflies that became part of my daily blessings and still to this day show me His grace and sovereignty. It truly is remarkable how he speaks to us, but we have to hone our skill of learning how to listen and making sure it’s Him and not, well you know, that ugly guy that lives in the really,  really, REALLY warm climate! Casting Crowns blessed me with their song, “Praise You In This Storm,” and it literally helped me weather our storm. Ironically, it was written about a young child and their fight against cancer. You can see the video, hear the song and learn more about Erin by clicking here. From the first week that Knox was diagnosed and to this day forward, this song has continuously healed me, uplifted me, and gotten me through my own personal storm. And sister, don’t let anyone kid you, no matter how big or how small in comparison, we ALL have storms. We can thank Eve for that. LOL. So, no matter what is going on in your life right now, take some time to stop wondering “why me” and focus more on the “why not me,” because there is purpose to every plan of His. Do you really trust that He knows what he is doing in your life or wavering when it’s convenient? It’s hard. I know, sister. We may not get to choose what happens to us, but we can choose if we will have faith during it.

‘Praise You In This Storm’
by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God, you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

If you’re lost, that’s TOTALLY okay, and nothing to be ashamed of or to worry your pretty little head about! I am still learning and always will be, and we all start somewhere! I’ll be back next week with more so please stick around! And, of course, if you have questions don’t be shy, because I LOVE getting your emails! Send me a message at kim@crockpotempire.com or leave a comment below! I have a Bible that has ALL the answers for you! LOL. Until next time, just remember one simple thing…His grace is enough for YOU AND ME.

She confidently trusts the Lord to take care of her. Psalm 112:7